On the first day of christmas
My bitch she bought for me
A guitar strap and a flying V

On the second day of christmas
My bitch she bought for me
Russian vodka and her stalkings
And a marshall 50 watt amp

On the third day of christmas
That bitch she bought for me
Some more equipment for the concert
Of which we played that night
Before I fucked her friend Jane

On the fourth day of christmas
My mistress bought for me
A deal with geffen records
For the bands new CD
And then we got laid
At the motel 6 across town

On the fifth day of christmas
My bitch she said to me
It's over and we're through
Because you nailed jane
And to think that I loved you
Sends chills down my spine
Just get the fuck away from me

On the sixth day of christmas
The label said to me
The new album isn't sellin'
You fucked up the lyrics
You played the wrong notes
The production was clumsy
This bands a fucking joke
You've been released from your contract

On the seventh day of christmas
My mistress said to me
My daddy was right
All you do is party
Your band didn't make it
You're livin' on the street
And she slapped me in the face
And kicked me in the balls
Then she threw me out of her home

On the eightth day of christmas
Satan he said to me
You can have the money
And you can get the fame
This suffering band of yours
It'll finally have a name
You can be rich
And you can have it all
But for your dreams to be
You must sell your soul to me

On the ninth day of christmas
Satan said to me
You sold your soul for nothing
And I lied to the band
I said I'd make you rich
When I stole what you had
And I said I'd give you fame
But now no one gives a damn
The band still sucks
And it gives me pleasure to say
When you die you're going to hell

On the tenth day of christmas
The television said to me
My drummer shot himself
And my bassist OD'd
The producer's out of work
And my guitarist disappeared
No one's gonna hire
For I fucked up my life
With drugs and booze
I swore in the name
And I lost at the game
And I guess I shouldn't have fucked jane

My ten days of christmas
Were nothing good to me
For now I got AIDS
And my band is dead
And I placed my soul
Into the hands of the devil
And I'm addicted to drugs
And addicted to booze
My bitch has long left me
And it seems I'm disowned
By family and friends
And this way of life I live
It sucks my fucking ass

Merry christmas to me